The Meaning Behind She and He in Shemewé

Shemewé (pronounced Shem-a-way) is a social theory born out of long term observation, reflection, and contemplation between individuality and collective identity. It explores each aspect as an entity, and in relationship with its opposite, 'she', and 'he', 'me' and 'we'.

Shemewé represents the space we each inhabit; the feminised (She), masculinised (He), the part of us that’s beyond classification (Me), and that which is in relationship with everything and everyone around us (We).

We believe in every human being's birthright to express both the feminised (she) and masculinised (he) aspects of their nature, regardless of gender, age, or cultural identity. We also accept that human survival drives not only a need for secure attachments to significant others (We), but also an expression of one's unique authentic self (Me).

Shemewé offers an opportunity to contemplate these aspects in oneself and the social world, providing a framework that can be applied in various contexts such as relationships,interconnectedness, and social responsibility.

Observing the She and He

This section explores how the She and He first took shape in my awareness - sowing the seeds for what would later become the framework of Shemewé.

For a long time and before the inception of Shemewé my attention was drawn to understand the she and he. As a teenager I observed the behaviours and non-verbals, listened to what was said, and left unsaid, in the interactions between the adult women and men in my family, school and community. I learned the beliefs, values and attitudes held by the dominant culture towards each gender. Then I formed some of my own views and lived by them.

Shemewé breaks out of this gendered view offering us a more holistic, integrated perspective.

How She and He Are Revealed in Social Systems

Here, I reflect on how these internal dynamics - She and He - are reinforced or suppressed through the systems we grow up and live within.

In my twenties I learned that the two hemispheres of my brain enable me to perceive, process, and express information very differently. I also learned that one was not superior to the other, and that integration of both is the key to higher level functioning for humans.

My observations confirmed how the systems and institutions belonging to the world I was in, were designed to deliver information in a way that failed to embrace the variety of people and needs within the community. One way of operating was accepted and normalised as supreme over all others, rather than cultivating an openness to and respect for many varied approaches to life, living and the delivery of services.

This section highlights how difference is not something to overcome, but something inherent to who we are. One way should not dominate at the expense of the other. Integration is the aim.

The society I live in is lopsided - it rarely values the blending of detail with big-picture understanding. We often see this in how scientific research is delivered: findings are extracted, isolated, and presented without meaningful context, whether it involves the human body, a community of people, or the natural world. The same imbalance is present in our education system. From primary to tertiary levels, the focus remains on content delivery rather than honouring embodied learning through movement, conversation, social interaction, and personal experience - all of which help integrate and embed knowledge.

Our health system is similarly shaped by a narrow view of illness rather than wellness. Funding models reinforce this - rebates support the medical model, while more integrative approaches are sidelined, often labelled as unscientific or fringe. Ironically, the origins of medicine were once far more holistic than what we see today.

Shemewé offers a guiding framework that challenges the one-sided values and rigid constructs often perpetuated by dominant cultural systems. Shemewé Collective brings this vision into practice by creating spaces where integration is not just valued but experienced - countering the fragmentation so often reinforced by modern systems.

How She and He Are Revealed in Culture

In this section, I explore how cultural worldviews either honour or fragment the She and He within us, influencing how we relate to ourselves, each other, and the natural world.

My reflections led me to recall how people from more traditional societies use not only both hemispheres of the brain but their body, senses and relationship to each other and the natural world to learn, transmit and store information. This was more natural to me and my preferred way of interacting with life. Yet the wider society viewed this as 'less than'.

Why is the written word held as superior to human memory, and the rich oral traditions, stories, music, paintings, weavings, and countless practices that hold the knowledge and wisdom of the world's first peoples? Why are the integrated and holistic wisdom of traditional societies so undervalued by modern systems? Do they not belong to us all, tracing back to our shared origins and the roots that connect us as human beings?

The dominant culture surrounding me lacked integration. It was shaped by one-sided values that felt fundamentally misaligned to me - consumerism, overwork, self-neglect, disconnection from accountability, power over rather than power with, and a utilitarian mindset that privileges control, extraction, and separation over care and shared humanity.

From what I’ve learned from First Peoples, wellbeing and self-care are an outcome of living in cultures that are integrated and communal - where singing, storytelling, ritual, dancing, weaving, food preparation, and shared meals are not ‘add-ons’ but essential ways of being together. Rather than treatments for ill health - they are expressions of health itself.

From what I’ve learned from First Peoples, wellbeing and self-care are an outcome of living in cultures that are integrated and communal - where singing, storytelling, ritual, dancing, weaving, food preparation, and shared meals are not ‘add-ons’ but essential ways of being together. Rather than treatments for ill health - they are expressions of health itself.

As community structures have broken down in Western society, so too has our connection to each other and ourselves. Isolation becomes the new normal, and with it comes a rise in physical and mental illness. In response, we construct a healthcare industry to manage the fallout - to treat the symptoms of disconnection. What we’re left with is a society fragmented into parts, dis-integrated at every level.

At Shemewé Collective, we honour the deeper wisdom found in inclusive, connected cultures - offering programs that reclaim care, community, and balance as everyday practices.

How She and He Are Revealed in Relationships

Now we come to how these patterns show up in our closest relationships, particularly between couples - often creating tension where there could be complementarity.

My decades of observation showed that rigid gender roles and the socialisation of men and women often set us up to fail as couples. My work in the family and relationship sector has only confirmed this.

To understand how these roles influence our relationships, it helps to look at the social and cultural forces that shape them. Roles and socialisation are complex and layered - deserving of deeper exploration through the appropriate disciplines.

This article offers reflections drawn from my lived experience, professional practice, and the framework of Shemewé. It considers how opposites, differences, and even conflicting ideologies work against, for, and with one another. Within Shemewé, the She and He represent distinct - sometimes opposing - parts of ourselves. These internal dynamics are reflected outward and take shape in the social structures we live within.

In many traditional societies roles were often more fluid, interchangeable and shared. However, in recent history for Western society, for many couples, one role was designed to be the provider, the other to be the homemaker. Each role had its own specific objective, held within and supported by a mostly gendered community.

In our present times, I’ve observed that the provider role can become oriented toward serving work or the wider world, where competition, status, and power can for some gradually replace care for the family - ultimately becoming self-serving.

Meanwhile, responsibilities traditionally associated with the homemaker role are often distributed across grandparents, childcare centres, cleaners, and food delivery services. This is a practical necessity for many, though not accessible to all. Yet the person who identifies with this role frequently carries the bulk - if not all - of the responsibility for the unseen labour of home, family, and relationship. This includes not only practical tasks like cooking, cleaning, organising, and caring, but also the emotional and mental load of sustaining connection - often in addition to paid work.

Many people living in affluent cities are sure these stereotypes have been overcome. But my work with couples and families over several decades proves they are still strong - often hidden beneath a thin layer of gender-neutral appearances. Instead of being complementary, differences all too often become oppositional creating obstacles for couples to work through, making it difficult for them to succeed.

I’ve come to question whether relationship breakdowns are only the couple’s fault - or if, in part, gendered socialisation sets them up to miss the mark - and ultimately to fail. A stereotypical example is the persistent challenge in communication for partners. I’ve experienced firsthand and observed how difficult it can be for one party to identify, name and responsibly express their emotions. Withdrawal, silence or angry outbursts commonly result. Whereas the focus of the other party may be on maintaining connection. They neglect their own needs perhaps expecting them to be understood or even met by their partner. Naturally such a dynamic can foster resentment and misunderstanding and all too often leads to relationship breakdown. These patterns, I believe, are not just interpersonal - they’re shaped by the roles and emotional norms gendered socialisation trains us into from an early age.

Shemewé breaks out of gender stereotypes, encouraging integration of all parts in oneself, our relationships, and communities. At Shemewé Collective, we support couples and parents not just to cope in isolation. We believe the wellbeing of families has always belonged to the village - and today, that village includes the workplace. Our programs invite organisations to lead the support that allows families and relationships to thrive - not just for productivity, but for the long-term health and cohesion of the people who keep our communities going.

The Emergence of Shemewé

Here I reflect on how Shemewé is not a fixed model, but a living inquiry that continues to shape how I see difference, integration, and belonging.

Since then, Shemewé has continued to shape my thinking. I see it less as something I created, and more as a framework that emerged through observation, reflection, and dialogue. It continues to inform how I understand people, systems, and the spaces between them.

With Shemewé I understood that the She and the He are not assigned to people but rather are expressions belonging to each one of us. It was difficult to explain this at first because usually the She is associated as woman, and the He is associated as man. It also became clear that both the feminised and masculinised are shaped by the dominant culture to which each person belongs. There is no one way of perceiving this, although there are likely intersections where interpretations are shared.

I’m less interested in defining the characteristics of feminised and masculinised and more eager to encourage the acceptance of difference. Not one better than the other, but on the understanding that embracing both is essential for our higher functioning as humans.

Shemewé invites us to reclaim what has been excluded, neglected, or undervalued - and to recognise how unbalanced dynamics, often shaped by dominant norms, transfer power, responsibility, and emotional labour unequally in relationships. At Shemewé Collective, we create spaces that welcome overlooked voices and bridge the gaps left by outdated norms - spaces where meaningful connection and shared humanity are not only possible, but prioritised.

Shemewé in the Workplace

Throughout this article, we’ve explored how the She and He live within us - and how their imbalance plays out in our relationships and dominant culture. Many of the tensions we see around burnout, communication breakdown, leadership disconnect, and emotional isolation are not just personal - they’re structural, and they’re cultural.

At Shemewé Collective, we offer programs that respond directly to these dynamics. Our We Belong EAP & Private services support employees from different cultural identities and the LGBTIQAP+ community whose experiences are often undervalued, silenced, or excluded by dominant workplace cultures. Our We Belong specialist services for men support reflection on how rigid roles or attachments to masculine identity can limit capacity for empathy, accountability, and emotional presence.

Our online groups, Conscious Parenting and Relationship Rescue, provide much-needed, preventive support for parents and couples - two cohorts often overlooked in community wellbeing strategies.

Shemewé is not about choosing one part over another. It’s about restoring harmony by reclaiming what’s been lost - in ourselves, in our relationships, and in the cultures we create together.

If you're an organisation ready to explore a restorative approach to wellbeing, leadership, and connection, I’d love to start a conversation.